A Happy Post?! WHAT?!
Yes it’s true! Tonight I’m in an extremely happy mood! In a few hours I will be on my way to shoot Sound of the Stereo’s first music video! I can’t release too much about it now, but I’ll be posting pictures tomorrow night after we wrap! Who’s stoked?!
Marshall Traver -
Last week I announced I would be releasing three songs under the name “Marshall Traver”. Each song will be about personal things that mean a lot to me. It’s a way for me to write my “emo” songs without doing it through Sound of the Stereo. I wrote part of the first song today. It’s the only song I’ve ever written that I can tear up while I sing. I thought I’d share what I have so far.
They say that all good things come to an end
But if I close my eyes, I can still pretend
That you’re here with me. That you’re in my bed
I can feel your skin like I could back then
Do you remember when I would pick you up
I would spin you around ‘til your feet couldn’t touch
The ground, we were safe and sound Houston I think it’s going down
I don’t know what I’ve got until she’s gone
If I could write you paragraphs
Here’s a list of questions I would ask
Are you doing fine? I’ve been awake for days
If you close your eyes do you see my face?
There will be MUCH more added to the song such as a second part to the chorus, another verse and a bridge. This is just a taste of it. This is one of the most heartfelt songs to me. I didn’t aim to make original lyrics, just simple lyrics that meant something to me personally and trust me, this is as personal as it gets.
To Whom It May Concern.
I wrote this letter today about how I feel now that I’m alone. I didn’t have anyone to send it to, but I wanted to share it:
It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen your face. It’s been horrible. I sit alone in my room and look around at everything in here. It reminds me of you. I can still smell you on my sheets and pillows. I can hear your laugh when I watch a funny show or movie. Sometimes before I fall asleep I whisper “I love you” and pretend you’re there to hear it. It’s been Hell. My friends all say I’m better off without you, but I know better. I’ve had some girls show interest in me since all this happened, but it doesn’t matter. None of them are you so I could care less. When my phone rings I say a short prayer hoping it’s you. I shut my eyes while reaching for my phone. When I open my phone I’m always disappointed because it’s not you. I hear you’re doing fine. I’m glad. Not in a sarcastic way. I hear you have all your friends there for you, trying to help you move on. The thing is, I thought I was scared to have you move on, but that’s not it. The truth it I’m fine if you move on. I would love to hear your voice promise you’ll never forget me though. I promise on everything I
will couldn’t ever forget you. My distant family asks about you. My grandma told me she wanted to be alive to see us get married. It broke my heart to know you don’t plan to marry me anymore. Things have gotten a bit easier since I heard you say you never wanted to be with me again. The worst part is over. I don’t think anything has been said to me that hurt as much as that alone hurt. I took advantage of us. I took advantage of love. I took advantage of you. If I could go back in time, I swear to God I would. I would give up anything to make it up to you and to hold you again. I would love to spend another night with you. I had this dream we were counting stars in the Spring last night. It was perfect. Waking up was the nightmare. While we dated I didn’t know if I wanted to be with you forever. We’re kids. I thought “I’m 16. I can’t be held down now”. After you left me I realized that I want nothing more out of life than to be with you. I guess it’s true what they say, “you don’t know whatcha got ‘til it’s gone.” My cousin got engaged last week. I’m envious. We were invited to the wedding. I’d love to call you and ask if you’d come so we could dance. I would love to dance with you. I’m sitting here going on my second week of sleepless nights and ask myself, “how bad of a boyfriend was I to cause this?” I’m so sorry. I wish I could express it in writing, but the truth is I can’t explain how sorry I am in writing, nor words. All I can say is this; I’m so sorry. If I had known how you felt I could have changed. I could have prevented this. Instead I pushed away the one thing that’s always been. No matter insecure I am with music, family issues, homes or even friends you were my security. I never thought that growing up was scary until you left. I wanted to grow up with you. Now I’m terrified of the future and I’m terrified to take this journey without you. My best friend inf the whole world. My love. I want to take life head on with you. I know I’m young and this all seems like a typical teenage act, but I promise you this; I love you more than anyone will ever know. If I could get you to talk to me I’d tell you every night. I’d talk to you for hours every night and hold you every chance I get. It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen your face. It’s been horrible. I sit alone in my room and look around at everything in here. It reminds me of you. I can still smell you on my sheets and pillows. I can hear your laugh when I watch a funny show or movie. Sometimes before I fall asleep I whisper “I love you” and pretend you’re there to hear it. I hope you’re doing fine. I can assure you one thing; I’m not. I love you.
Worst day ever.
So I just rode with my mom to the Dollar Store and while I was there I got a hold of Megan. I asked her to go to her mailbox, and she went outside. I was out there. I asked her to talk to me and she wouldn’t. She shut the door, ran back inside and left me alone. I had to walk back to my mom’s car helplessly. I give up as of today. I’m breaking down. I can’t stop crying. This is the worst it hit me. She told me she doesn’t wanna get back together.. ever. This is my final try. After two years of dating, we go a week with no talking and she won’t even come out to see me.
Hey guys! I said I wanted to start doing this more again! Lately I’ve had SO many questions sent to me on Facebook and Twitter and I feel bad for not being able to answer them all. I’ve gotten a lot of the same questions, too so I decided to take this time to answer some questions I’ve been asked by more than one person! Let’s do it!
Q: When is your EP being release?! What information can you release about it?
A: I feel REEEEALLY bad for pushing it back so much! It’ll be out SUPER soon! I promise! It’ll be called “Oh, The Places You Could Go” and it’ll have 6 songs (including the two I currently have released). I’m hoping for a late Spring/early Summer release. I’ve been recording each song one at a time and have yet to record the last two! I’ll be finishing those next month, though! Just hang tight! :)
Q: I read your blog. How’s the break-up going?
A: Ehh. Hahaha, it’s better I suppose. It’s only been a week so not much has changed, but I expect things to get better. I haven’t talked to her, but I plan on trying to get a hold of her soon (: Thanks for the support! I’ll keep everyone updated on what happens! <3
Q: You post a lot of lyrics on Facebook of different bands. Who is your favorite?
A: I have SO many favorite bands! The following bands are my absolute favorite though; Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, Go Radio and All Time Low. If I had to pick four bands that help me no matter how bad I feel, it’d be those four. :)
Q: When are you going on tour?!
A: AFTER THIS SCHOOL YEAR! YAYAYAY! Basically we’ve had trouble playing shows/touring because 1: My style of music requires samples, which you can only use once the song has been recorded so we can’t play anything unless it’s recorded. 2. My live band is all still in school but we’ve got that all worked out and we’ll be all around next Fall! :)
Q: Have you really never taken drugs? Do you drink?
A: Correct! I’ve never taken or smoked any sort of drug/cigarette! I don’t mind if people do though, it’s just a choice I’ve made personally. If you smoke or snort coke, I still love you! <3 As for drinking, I have to be honest, I have drank before. I don’t do it often at all. I’ve been known to be able to control how much I drink and how often I do it. If there’s something worth celebrating or something like that, I may have a drink. I promise I’m still the same person though! Don’t hate me!
Q: Why do you always seem so happy?
A: I’m not sure! I always try and have a positive attitude. I’m always joking around and trying to make the best of every situation. Let’s party!
Q: You bring up your “live band” a lot. Who is it?
A: Only the three best friends I could ever ask for. My friend Tommy Silva plays guitar and does harmonies. He’s a super nice kid. Add him on Facebook! Josh Wilson plays bass and does piano for acoustic shows. He’s like beyond funny.. and kind of awkward. Last but not least is Cody Clarke. He plays drums. Funniest kid I’ve ever met. He’s been my best friend for years. He played drums in my last band. So get to know them! They’ll be around! Trust me.
Thanks for taking the time to read! I hope I answered your question if you had one! If not, feel free to ask me personally! I’ll always answer no matter how personal. From now on, we’re BFF’s <3. I’ll post another soon! :)
I love you all!
Love, Life, Doritios.
Before you read this, please note I’m not looking for pity or “there are plenty of fish in the sea brohamz0rz!” I just want to vent :) I want to let you guys into my life. If you ever want to talk about any of this though, I’m 150% down! Hit me up on Facebook or Twitter! <3
Hey guys. It’s been a while since I’ve done this, but I need to reach out to and talk about this whole thing. As some of you know, my girlfriend of 5 years on and off, and almost two years straight, broke up with me on Saturday. It wasn’t ugly, nor did we yell or scream. She basically packed all her stuff she had at my house (which was more stuff then you can ever imagine) and left. The reasoning is kind of long, but in a nutshell she said we fight too much. I’ll cover more of that later. Personally, I feel like it’s because every time she gets new friends, she feels invincible and decides to push me aside. This has happened several times before. She stops talking to her friends when we date because we spend so much time together and whenever she gets new friends, she dumps me. Every. Single. Time… Literally. That’s why I’m so shocked.
I’ve spent every day for the last two years with this girl, so I was hoping things would work itself out, but judging by how quickly she seems to be getting over it (she removed the ring I gave her when we were 12 that she hasn’t taken off since and changed her last name from ‘Traver’, which is my last name, back to her last name) they won’t. To me though, it’s not like losing a girlfriend, or a girl toy. The worst part isn’t not having someone to cuddle or touch or even ‘do the dirty’ with. It’s the fact that we were so close that I don’t know how to function anymore without here. The best way to put it is, it’s like losing the backbone of your whole life.
For the last two years I’ve woken up to her phone calls every Monday-Friday at 6am to talk before she left for school. After that, she’d go to school and she’d be at my house by 3pm and stayed until 10pm. It’s been the same routine for years. Every Friday-Sunday I woke up next to her because she spent the weekends at my house. In fact, this last weekend was the first Saturday she didn’t spend the night since Thanksgiving.
The truth is she’s been there for me for everything. She’s been a part of my family. My mom loved her like a daughter in law and my sister looked at her as an older sister. She was my safety net, just like you use your best friend for. The only difference is she was more than that. I’d talk to her when I was sad, scared, angry, happy, laugh-y. She knew every aspect of my life. She knew what I wanted to do before I even knew. She held me up with things fell apart. She knew all my favorite bands, movies, shows, foods and everything. She was there every single time I needed her. She’s exactly what every guy dreams about. She’s the definition of perfect.
I’ve been up for 43 hours. I’ve been sitting in the same spot since she left me. I can’t sleep or eat. The weird thing is though, I’m not mopey. I’m not crying. I’m not totally depressed. I’m completely numb. I don’t feel happy when I should. I don’t feel sad when I should. I feel incomplete. I know most of you are thinking ‘Marshall, everyone feels that way after a break-up, ya goon!’ I understand. I don’t feel the way you think I do, though. I’ve been through break up’s before. This isn’t post-breakup emotions. This is the feeling of “I’ve lost it all”. It’s like trying to break down a door that just won’t budge. I know the other side is within my grasps, but until the door (or my girlfriend) decide to give in, it won’t happen and there isn’t a single thing I can do it about it. All I’m doing it waiting.
Last month I lost my home to foreclosure. We got kicked out of the home I’ve known since I was a toddler because we couldn’t afford it. She tried to be there, but according to her I’ve changed. She said ever since I’ve lost the home I’ve been different. I just sit on the computer and she feels I don’t like to get close or anything. I personally can see this, but I didn’t mean to cause her to leave me. She had never brought it up to me until after she left me. I just wanted her to be supportive. I haven’t even been living in my new house for a month yet and she gave up on how hard I’ve been taking it and decided to leave. She’s been nothing but the best support. We compliment each other. I’ve never met someone I can be 100% honest with and not feel embarrassed, nervous or stupid when speaking it all. If she had bad hair day, I told her. If I had a pimple, she told me…and popped it. (I know, ew. But seriously, how cool of a girlfriend do you have to be to pop a zit? Who needs Proactiv when you have a girlfriend. Amirie?) We were the definition of inseparable. It’s hard to look back on anything I’ve done in the last two years because she’s a huge part of everything (I mean EVERY thing) I look back on to make me happy.
As I mentioned earlier, we’re on-again, off-again. Every time we’ve ever taken breaks or “broken-up” I’ve thought, ‘okay! Whatever! We’ll be back together in a few weeks or even a few months’. This time, I’m not thinking that way. She really laid into me. The last week we were together she just told me every flaw I had and how much she hated my flaws. When we broke up, she didn’t hold back. She told me she wasn’t happy with me anymore. I even spilled my heart out to her over the phone for 45 minutes straight only to hear her say “I’m sorry. I can’t” when I was finally done. It’s weird to know when I met this girl I had just turned 12. She was my first and only girlfriend. When we started dating in the 7th grade I immediately saw her in my future. The crazy thing is to go five years with visions of marrying and having children with the same person and then watching her leave with all her things knowing that some day she’ll feel the same way she felt for me twords a new guy. This new guy may be the the only guy she’s ever had sexual relations with besides myself. This guy could one day drop to one knee and ask for her to marry him. They could go on to have kids, raise kids, have grand kids, care for each other and then die together. I have no idea what to do now. I’m afraid to sleep because I know that’s just more time we aren’t together, which means more time has gone by for her to move on. I know all of you are routing for me to move on, find a new girlfriend and forget she even existed. I’m not even close to ready to even think about anything like that. For now, I just want to remember things the way they were for those two years.
This is the first real chapter to my new life, I suppose. I know everyone has hard times, but this tops them all. After losing my house, watching my dad struggle with keeping a job without them laying him off or shutting down, watching close family struggle with alcohol/drug abuse and seeing my family begin to fall apart and know there’s nothing I can do about it I didn’t think it could get worse. It just did. None of those things mattered with this girl. She was there to make me forget about it all completely. If she was there and she cared, I was fine. When I tell people she was my number one, I literally mean she was my number one. It was like she was the only thing on planet Earth and I didn’t want it any other way. Now it’s time for me to grow up and learn to face these problems alone. I’m not bitter though. Like my mom said, you can’t force someone to love you. If you do, it obviously won’t last either way.
For those of you who took the time to read all of this — thank you from the bottom of my heart. Sound of the Stereo is the reason I’m going to keep going. You are all the reason I’m going to keep going. I know I’m not some huge band with thousands and thousands of fans, but for the ones I do have, just know I love you. I want you to feel the same way about me. You’re all truly amazing and I’ve never meant anything more in my life when I said the following; Thank you.
If you ever wanna talk, don’t be afraid! Whether it be to cheer me up, to discuss life (i’m a super deep thinker) or to play “Mario Brothers” on some crazy website you know. Please do. It’d mean more then you even know.
I have a feeling this is my year. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me through everything! Let me explain my game plan for 2011 so you can all be just as excited as I am! :)
First of all, let me address the whole EP situation! I started recording my five track EP titled “Oh, The Places You Could Go” in 2010. It will, like I said, have five tracks including “Tell Me You Need Me” and of course “Oh, The Places You Could Go” and 3 previously unreleased tracks. My goal was to have this out sometimes before Christmas, but I decided to put it off until closer to tour! It’s pretty much ready to be released, I hope you all love it! I can’t wait for you to hear it!
On to tour! The reason I put off my EP is simple. Tour. This past month I found what I feel is a steady tour line up. We’re all under the same understanding that we’re going to finish out the school year doing some shows here and there and then do our touring during the summer/next school year and they will do homeschooling/online schooling. The reason for this is that I didn’t want anyone to have to worry about leaving half way through the school year, so expect a HUGE tour in June/July! ;)
My plans for right now is that the EP shoulddd be released in March, maybe April. I’ll be having a HUGE hometown CD release show where you will be able to pick up the CD, shirts, posters, wristbands and the whole nine yards! I will also be putting up an online store and the EP will be on Itunes. Right now I’m working on a cover of “Dear Maria, Count Me In” by All Time Low that I will put up for FREE download on my sites. I just need 2,000 Facebook “likes” and I’ll put ‘er up!
Thanks again for sticking with me! I love you all! :)
Today, I found myself listening to Fall Out Boy and it reminded me of the simple times. You know those songs you hear that take you back in time? Everything that happened years before feels like it happened yesterday? Yeah, Fall Out Boy does that to me. Each album they have ever put out touches me so much, every single one is flawless and I could listen to them all on repeat forever. That’s besides the point though. Today, I was thinking about all the bands and albums that made me whole I am today. It’s weird to think that I grew up worshiping (By worshiping in mean WORSHIPING) bands like Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, New Found Glory and even My Chemical Romance and now I play in a pop group. I love what I do dearly and I’m so proud of who I am, but some days I wish I could just go back and be that wanna be, twelve year old punk I was back then. Honestly, I bet if 12 year old Marshall saw 16 year old Marshall in the streets, he’d punch me in the face for doing what I do. Hahah. Take a second to think back on yourself a few years back. Two, three, maybe even five or six years. Isn’t it amazing how different you’ve grown to be? I used to pride myself on how I “found myself” at a young age, but the truth is, I didn’t. It took me tonight, while listening to Fall Out Boy’s “From Under The Cork Tree”, to realize that even though I’ve always been into music, the same style of music and thought I had my life planned out, it doesn’t mean I found myself. Heck! I don’t even know if I’ve found myself at all yet. I guess I’ll just have to sit back and enjoy the ride that life is taking me on. I can’t wait to see what path it takes me down and who I become.
I guess this is growing up.
Tell Me You Need Me (Acoustic)
So, a few weeks back I asked my friend Josh, who is trying to become a recording engineer, if he would help me by playing our piano version of Tell Me You Need Me and recording it. He gladly accepted. I went over there to do vocals and we knocked it all out in about two days. This whole thing was recorded on a 2 channel interface and a 40 dollar condenser mic. I have to say, I was more than pleased with the quality taking into consideration what we were working with. I’ll be posting the final version in about an hour! I hope you all enjoy! :)